the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
