I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
