I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
