community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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