Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
