I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
