You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
