I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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