i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
