I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
