I'm jealous of your bromance
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
