I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
