I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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