Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
