i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
