I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
