I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
