Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
