The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
