Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
