Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
