she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
