just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My ass is underappreciated
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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