Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
as a side note pls kill me
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