A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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