I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
