He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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