I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
