I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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