i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
