I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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