So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
