Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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