Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
