Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
