And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize