All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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