There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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