bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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