i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
