If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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