Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
