the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize