puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
