ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
