I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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