when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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