I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
