I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
