he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
