She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
