it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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