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Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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