I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
