We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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