She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
