Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Swine flu. Run for my life!
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
