Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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