Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
