apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
