hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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