You really coming over, don't trick.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
