I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
that is very illegal...i love you.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
