i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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