ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
now i know why i became what i already was.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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