The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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