the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
