It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
