Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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