Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
